How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
