I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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