i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
