Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
