I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
