I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
