I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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