WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
