so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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