I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Can Purell be used as lube?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
