Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
