this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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