My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
