It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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