mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
