My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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