Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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