u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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