im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
