its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
