Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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