When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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