I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
