he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
