and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
