well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
