Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
