you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
