Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
