By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
