tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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