when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
