i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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