You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
