I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
