why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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