I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
