the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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