Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
