please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
