Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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