Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
