a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
