Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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