so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
