Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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