Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
