Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
