You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
