life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
