am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
