I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
