i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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