she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
