1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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